My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The Olympian is in my bed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
