Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
