Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
