The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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