dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
