Heybabeimwearingurpanties
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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