Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
