she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
