Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
40s are totally the cure
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
