All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
