You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
