Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
