girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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