and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
