She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
