Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
