i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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