What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
