Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
