Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
