ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
