When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
