all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
