A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
