Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
