nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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