Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
