if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so that wasnt chicken after all
I bet he comes in French.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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