is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
