it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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