I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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