Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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