youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
