.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
