Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
