I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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