Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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