The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
