So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize