Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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