her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
