i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
