he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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