it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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