Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize