I love black thongs
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
