this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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