I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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