Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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