ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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