Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we're chasing vodka with high fives
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
