I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize