he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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