I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
