Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
