I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
