Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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