omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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