Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
