matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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