JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
