wakey wakey hands off snakey
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
