oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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