There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
