If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
