3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
