i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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