Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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