what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize