Betty ford says i'm here all night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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