It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
