so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
