you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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