Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
