I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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