wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
