I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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