just come out here and I will go home with you...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
