Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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