I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
